This Little Light of Mine

A candle reflected repeatedly in a window at night time

This past day was kind of rough for me. I had some news land my way that left me sad and a little shaken.

Someone I know and like has received some bad medical news. Things look pretty grim.

We never got the chance to really get to know each other well, which is something I regret. I know his girlfriend better than I know him. I know he’s way too young for something like this to occur. I know that he’s a really good guy. He’s kind, supportive, and has been a positive force in her life. I feel for him. I feel for her. I feel for her little boy and for our shared circle. Two close friends are very tight with him and they are currently in emotional upheaval.

This sure does hurt my heart.

I’m a person who is good with words. I can spin a yarn that will make someone laugh. I can string words together that will make a person think. However, there are no words that can adequately comfort someone during times of such uncertainty, fear, and sadness.

I know this because I’ve felt this same uncertainty, fear, and sadness. These periods are pure exercises in existentialism. The feelings of loneliness and despair can be crippling.

Watching people suffer through it is difficult for me. I want to take action, but I also know that there’s really not much I can do and to nervously hover around and overreach can be counterproductive.

I was wrestling with all these feelings on my own for awhile this evening.

And then something happened…

I have a friend who I’ve known for over 20 years now. We don’t get to see each other very often anymore. Our lives have taken different turns, as lives often do. However, for years now, she always seems to show up during very particular times. Usually it’s during those occasions where I’m encountering some type of emotional or spiritual crisis.

This evening, as I was mulling over the sad news I received and feeling especially useless over it all, I thought about contacting her. You see, she’s a cancer survivor and has a very deeply connected and passionate perspective on this subject.

The evening was getting on, tho, and she has a husband and son. I didn’t want to interrupt her family time.

However, twenty minutes after the thought of her popped into my head, an unexpected message came through on Messenger.

“Drove past your parents house tonight. Some kind memories from that house. 🙂”

Somehow, she just always knows. Even when I say absolutely nothing at all publicly. Even when we haven’t really chatted much in a couple of months.

She is my little light. She is a spiritual respite. I’m a very fortunate guy to have a few of these special people in my life. It’s like they have some kind of psychic connection to me and they just show up when I’m in need.

They are my godshots.

They are my soul tribe.

I’ve been spending a lot of time isolated over the past several months. I live in a small apartment in downtown Salem. I’ve been working remotely for the past year. The end of a romantic relationship, in the middle of this pandemic, has reduced my already tight bubble dramatically. My gym was closed for a couple of months. My former life, a very bustling, busy, social one has been significantly impacted.

I prefer to be the kind of person who counts his blessings over his hardships, but I’m not gonna lie, the past couple of months have been exceptionally difficult.

These little lights of mine, tho…the ones that reach out, unbidden and unexpected, to just check in? Y’all really make a difference.

You make me believe in something bigger, and this is a very good and important thing.

Thank you for being there and serving a reminder to me that I’m not alone in the dark.

I hope to be able to pass that light on.

Published by Jonah Sheridan Fenn

Nerd herder, word wrangler, working on the next chapter...

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